Tuesday, December 20, 2011

What's the point here?

What's the point of being in a relationship when you know at the end of the day it will eat you inside out?
What's the point of loving someone when you are uncertain of the upcoming result?
What's the point of putting it all nicely together when you know one time the other behalf will crumb it into pieces?
What's the point of getting back when getting back is actually starting from the ground?
What's the point of giving chances when you know it's hopeless?
What's the point of hurting the pride when there's really no less to be found?
What's the point of noticing the small matters when there's a bigger one to be concerned?
What's the point of admitting the truth when the truth told is really a lie?
What's the point of coming into one's life when you're comfortable on your own?
What's the point of trying so hard when the other behalf don't seem to see it at all?
What's the point of admiring when you know it's just something you won't get?
What's the point of approaching someone just so that they'll kick you out of their life, shameful, isn't?

So, here's the one answer for all:


Thursday, December 15, 2011

Mengatur Langkah...

Aku aturi langkah lesu penuh kebimbangan, kehujanan. Elok kuatur, selangkah, selangkah. Ku tak mahu terjatuh lagi. Tak mampu terluka lagi. Pedihnya tak upaya ku tanggung. Licin? Ya, memang licin jalannya. Tersilap langkah, bodoh alangku nanti. Malu sendiri di khalayak. Setiap titis hujan kubiarkan mengalir. Biarku perbodohkan diri sendiri, menipu hati, biar tidak kusedar yang mengalir dipipi itu bukannya air dari langit. Biar ku tertawa keseorangan, biar mereka berkata, bukan hatiku yang dilukai.  Biar lah aku dalam duniaku sendiri. Biarkan.

Kadangkala ku tersenyum keseorangan, memikirkan salah-silapku. Ya, semuanya salahku. Tidak pernah dirimu salah. Masa yang salah kuberi. Hari yang salah kuberi. Tempat yang salah kuberi. Info yang salah kuberi. Bukan keluargamu juga aku yang salah. Tidak pernah salahmu. Tidak pernah maaf kau uturkan. Tidak pernah dirimu jatuh seorang pesalah. Semuanya aku. Mungkin juga. Mungkin banyak benar salahku, sehingga sebegini rupa diriku dilayan. Satu demi satu, diriku semakin dekat dengan sampah dijalan hidupmu.

Perlukah kuterus berharap? Perlukah ku terus perbodohkan diri ini? Perlukah kuterus mempercayai masa depan yang tidak pasti? Yang tidak tentu hala tujunya? Yang tidak berpaksi realiti kini? Entah. Aku bodoh sebegini. Suluhkan sinarmu, jika ini yang kau mahu. Aku sesat. Sesat mencari sesuatu yang kusendiri tidak pasti. Tunjukkan apa mahumu. Ku tak rela menunggu. Biarkan ku terus, mengatur langkah.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Life is A Big Fat Drama: Downer.

Have you ever felt this in your life? When you've achieved something, or do something good, and wanna talk about it (not bragging) as it makes you FEEL good, and there's this one person, one particular person who's everything came out from his mouth is nothing but to make you feel bad? And I'm not talking about trolling. I know what that's word means, and it's a joke. I can take it. And I'm sure there're people like this in your life too.

And this person, goes all the way, on and on, trying to get your spirit down, underestimating what you do, provoking you to do something about it. Well, so far, I'm holding it together. I did not, even once, broke down to my knees, cry and snap about it, though he did, several times actually, snapped on me.

Everyone else could see how stupid bitches are

Well, let's get technical. Why do you think he/she tries so hard bringing you down? What's in it for him/her?

I've consulted many friends, and researched about it. The answer is, because you're above them, they feel threatened by your existence, thus, they'll put you down just for the sake of self-satisfaction, or so he/she could be the top dog again.

In my case, admitted, he scored way better marks than me, and he's intelligence, but that's as far he could go. And he could see it I did a lot more than him. I'm not bragging okay, but I think his lack of self esteem brings it to his acts and heart. And when he saw me achieve this and that, he started acting bitchy to me, which is fine actually, as he potrayed his own deficiencies.

Also, the exception is that, when you're the scumbag yourself. That's karma we're talking about. You treat people as how you wanted to be treated, hold to that and you'll be fine.

Moreover, let's not being a self-righteous for a while. We're human. Although we try very hard not to make any mistakes and keep straight on the right path, it's humane to not. People love people, people hurt people, people try to make other people trip, and people try to lift some others. It's what people do.

My advice for those who have the same problem as me, keep it cool. I know, it's hard to handle sometimes, but remember, it's impossible to satisfy everyone with your act. There'll always be scumbags like this in life, one you have to deal with. Just do what you feel right, and let them keep the judgment to themselves. After a while, they'll know what they're doing is stupid, juvenile and vain. Then, they'll be ashamed of themselves. Before you go, this is a site that'll make you feel good, eh?

That's all. Kbye. =)