Hidup Seorang Budak UIA: Bau Badan

Assalamualaikum,

Hari ni nak membebel sket la.. Tadi aku pi makan kat Cafe Ali (baca: cafe aku) , yg mana cafe paling best dalam UIA. Diakui ramai dari Habsah sampai ke Salahuddin. Aku beli nasik, ayam goreng (baca: KFC) n coleslaw. Excited sungguh aku lepas bayar tu. Dari pagi lagi x makan. Pastu berlari-lari kebapaan la ke kaunter air utk membeli secawan air anggur berais (baca: Ribena) yg mmg menjadi feveret aku. Sambil la beratur tu, aku disapa aroma yang sangat memualkan (baca: BAU LOJI), rasa nak muntah pun ade. Tengok kat belakang, sorang mamat black ngah beratur sambil tangan diangkat2 melebihi paras bahu memanggil akak jual air tu. "Mango banana sister!! Mango Banana!!" Dia menjerit2 penuh kehausan tanpa mempedulikan aku yang hampir pengsan, mulut berbuih dan mata terbuntang meminta ehsan dilepaskan dari seksa neraka dunia ittew.

Iced Mango Banana sister!!!

Aku yang dibawah...

Inilah 1 kelemahan jika anda x cukup inci (baca: tinggi lampai) dan menuntut di UIA (baca: Oxford). Jika anda berasa hanya mampu setinggi Zami Ismail, sila batalkan niat nak belajar kat UIA. Ni baru kat cafe, dlam bas lagi la plak. Macam2 campuran, lagi hebat aromanya.

Menda ni x jadi masalah sebenarnya, kalau dorg kenal apa tu Rexona, Right Guard, Safi, Old Spice High Endurance (yg ni bagus), or Adidas, Brylcream, etc. Ni dah la deodorant x pakai, perfume jauh skali. Sekali lalu sebelah berpinar mata rasanya. Menda ni bukan terhad kat lelaki saja. Pompuan foreigner pun sama. Pernah skali aku lalu di belakang minah black ni, bau cam xmandi 2bulan sambil tidur ngan kambing. Pengotor!

If you're not a foreigner, and still was-was pasal bau badan korg, cuba try step ni:

1) Berdiri depan cermin besar dlam bilik korg tu, admire diri sendiri dulu, puji2 sket bagi mengembangkan mana yg patut.
2) Panggil roomate korg, suh cium ketiak korg. Kalau dia hidup lagi lepas tu, tahniah, ketiak anda wangi. Lau dia pitam, hidung berdarah, muntah hijau keluar asid perut, sambil menyumpah seranah anda 1 keturunan, sila panggilkan ambulan cepat2 sambil mengenakan deodorant. Anda tidak mahu menjadi pembunuh bersiri, bukan?

Buat camni...

My message, kenal la diri anda. Kalau sedar diri bau tu hazab, pakai r perfume n deodorant banyak2, supaya x menyusahkan orang laen. Sebelum orang fire kat atas muka, baek kau ubah sendiri. Betul x?

Thanks for reading. Bye2 =) 

Life Is A Big Fat Drama: Of A Cleaner, Friend and Crap.

It's a world's greatest love story, and suddenly I'm a part of it. Ho yeah!! Betapa besarnya hatiku, tankayu!

To those who concerned,

Before everything, may I ask you some questions? Am I not the one who's been a sponge draining every little drops you tear down? Am I not the one who you used to ask for advices? Am I not the one who you'd turn to when everything you want to hear about him you couldn't ask yourself? What did he eat, where did he go, who is that he's friend with, am I not the one who answers all that? Suddenly you stepped up now and I'm the bad guy, you say, conspiring to bring down the one who you love (yes, you still do), my friend?

I can see that. You're a big girl now. You have it all figured out. How's that working out for you? Guess you don't wake up in the middle of the night, crying, thinking about him are you? And maybe you don't walk out of your door with hope of seeing him every single second?

Dear grown-up girl,

GET YOURSELF A BRAIN AND QUIT BITCHING AROUND ABOUT HOW PEOPLE BEING CRUEL TO YOU, AND PLEASE, FOR THE SAKE OF OTHERS, QUIT THINKING ABOUT HIM OUT LOUD. YOU BROUGHT THIS UPON YOURSELF!!!

there's no room for a backstabbing bitch in my life

ADIOS!

Life As an English Major: LIKE? What's Wrong With You?

A dialogue in The Glee Project:

Emily: The only thing, though, is like, sometimes you have to be like, be careful (of) what you say,because you like, you might have like, offended Brooke when you say something.
Ellis: What did I say?

Lindsay: You, like, you kinda raise your hand, and you were, like asking for a step, you were, like, "Is that right?"  And she was like "Yeah, you did right." And you were just like, "I just don't wanna look like a dumbasss." (The Glee Project, episode 2, 2011)

You don't have to be an English Major to detect what's wrong with those sentences. Yeah, like, thank you. It's, like, the overusing of the word 'like' in like, almost every part of their conversation. It's how people talk nowadays. So, what's wrong with it? Is it grammatically correct?

Well, 'like' can be used in many range of uses, from conjunction to particles. To explain all these uses would need a special entry, so better look at here.

Though, in some cases, it's annoying and rather almost sad to hear the overusage of this word. For English stickler like me, you can't help it but correcting their sentences.

Apparently, I'm not the only one who's been bothered by these phenomenon, Oprah feels the same. I've watched a show where she, like sarcastically commented on a guest's statement who goes like this:

Guest: I dun know, like, I hate to say it, but like, it's his job, so, like, he has to know what I ordered. When I like, get something else, and if it's like, not good, then I'll complaint. 

Why do you talk like that, BITCH?!!

Don't you think it would be easier if you just say it like this:


Guest: I don't know. I hate to say it, but it's his job. So, he has to know what I ordered. When I get something else, and if it's not good, then I'll complaint. (?)


English is easy, don't complicate it. B'sides, for me, those who talks like this resembles their weakness in conveying message, aren't stable in making decision, and forgive my word, dumb. That's why Paris Hilton and  Nicole Richie talk that way.

That's all from a blabbering student, TQ.

=)

Life is A Big Fat Drama: Funk

I dun know what happened to me lately. I've been perpertually angry, constantly feeling like yelling at people the whole time? Last Sunday I scolded a McD receptionist, after yelling at Celcom operator when they changed my Celcom plan from UOX to normal XPAC.

I know it was wrong. But undeniably, it does feel good afterwards. Maybe after having too much to conceive, I finally let go of the Sue Sylvester in me, except rather than wearing incredibly unchanging sportswear,I let this one go naked and primal. I felt embarassed but at the same time relieved.

I dun think I can get out much in here. I mean, expressing your emotion in writing does feel great, especially when the things you're writing are words you can't verbally discharge, but I rather talk to someone in person. Better yet, I'm gonna call him now. If you have any idea to help me, leave it in the comment box, or message me, FB, phone, I dun mind. Just don't tell me I have to go to therapist.

P/S: Last night I dreamed of my crush is 41-years-old and have 2 children already. Shoot.

Okay people, now get out of here, and get a life. 

Thanks for reading. TQ. =)

Friendship VS Love

These things have been a major conflict in me for a very,very long time. Funny though, after hurts and triumphs, no one among these two come up to be the winner. I don't really have a bestfriend, nor a lover. Why? I'll tell you why.

Read carefully what I've written, and try to relate to your life. You met a person, you feel good being with him/her. You're comfortable around him/her, keep texting each other to the very last details, you have a feeling though undecidedly whether it is just a friendship or love. You lost in contact or decided to wait and see what happened next without doing anything, and then you stop trying, and you drift further away from one another, and suddenly all those texting, missing, adoring become awkwardly strange. You meet a new person and this happens again and again. Now, this is my 1st reason.

Secondly, friendship and love has always, always been a rival to one another. How do I put this...? Hurm... Lets say he/she is undefinately awesome, and single (my friends are always single when I first know them),I feel comfortable around him/her, and I trusted him/her. In fact, the bonding itself built of trust...

Then out of the blue, he/she falls back in line, finding her/himself with someone they like, and everything else after that is history.

You know you need to back off when they started to choose their crush over you. You have been with him/her for a long time, going from the river deep to mountain high, the suddenly there's this prince charming come by, sweeping up your friend, leaving you numbed and shocked behind while they're sailing to Wonderland. How you could not being hurt by that?

Well yeah, being a friend, encouraging them to find their happiness, that's what you do. But deep in your heart, you need to know this means you're no longer will be their priority. Suddenly this guy/girl who appear just for a brief become your friend's bestfriend, and you're just another bag he/she left behind.

To be honest, I do not blame them. It's natural. It's what love do. It drives you deaf and blind, numb and dumb. It's perfectly okay. I mean, you can't honestly believe I can fight over love, can I? It's human's most primal instinct. So, the best way is to step back on this one, hurt a little bit, and get over it. Though watching from afar, looking at them while saying 'Goodluck, my friend. I love you.' can be very very sad. That's just what you have to do, as a friend.

Just want you to know that I'm stepping down, because I love you, and what we did together are legendary.

Rilex Jap..

Have no idea and too lazy to write. *Bunking back in bed. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Thanks for viewing.

=P

What Lies Ahead?

Have you ever wondered sometimes? What's the path you're taking will lead to?  Is it clear enough that you can see right through it? Or is it still fogged with confusion and dilemma of what people expecting you to do and what your true interest in? Robert Frost helped us with 'The Road Not Taken', showing us of what it might be if we took the other path instead of what you're doing right now.

As an English Major, I'm looking forward to something artsy. If you're a regular reader, then you might know what I'm involve with in UIA. I'm practically bonded with theater, plays and stage show. But never intended to earn my living with showbiz world. I'm not a 'retis'. The dream of showbiz world is unlikely the most promising ones. In fact, it's the most unrealistic one. Also, my family wouldn't like it much. Yes, my passion is there, but I'm not gonna do it.

Often people ask me, what would an English Major end up after their graduation? The answer is so many. But for those who're in villages, who don't get too much exposition, I'll just say "Kuar nanti jadi cikgu la. Mengajar." End of story. If I say "Oh I dun know. Maybe a forensic linguist? Or corporate trainers? Lexicographers? Speech-analyzer? Hurm.. I think I'm just gonna settle down with translator, rated about RM0.50 per words. That'll do." Then their jaws will drop and "What?". Then I'll have to explain more.

The art of fate is so deliberate. Some are born with silver spoon in their mouth and ended up sweeping the roadside. Some started out with nothing now own a cosmetics empire (Hello Sosilawati!). An uncle of mine who's a biotechnology Master graduate is now doing financial, investment and venture capital thingy , and couldn't complain less about it. Another uncle, who's an applied science graduate quitted his job and now

opens a photography shop, teaching other people about it. My former director, an English Major graduate now works as sales executive. My point is, the courses you're taking is a preparation to the real world. Real world begins after your graduation.

Personally I believe that you should do what you'd like to do, and what you're good at. Can't be more specifics than that. But granted, you can't always get what you want. sometimes, life's good at playing tricks. But till that, you just have to be patient, and live with it.

What is it for me? Well I have my life planned ahead good enough for me. Now I'm doing some translations for websites for free. Yes, for free. I'm doing it for experience, just until I'm calibrate enough to do a paid job. Then, I'll be doing some travel and venture journalism independence till I graduate. By the time I finish my degree, I'll be qualified to do both translations and journalism. That'll be enough for my part time job upon continuing my Master. Then it'll be a full time career, and I'll be travelling everywhere, and with God's willing, I'm taking my mother with me. Marriage? Life partner? That can wait.

Then, by the time I'm 50 or something like that, I'll be teaching at local universities to earn my living. Be close to my family, helping with theater and stuffs, and that'll be it.

This is just one of my plans, the one I'm working on. InsyaAllah I'll achieve it someday. Pray for me.. Amin...

Life is A Big Fat Drama: Tartuffe

It is ironic, isn't? The things you study in a class involved so much in your personal life. Yes, it does sounds comical but believe me, none of these are made up. I sometimes hope so too, that this is just a dream where I can wake up from suddenly when it's too much to bear. But no. It's not like that. At least not for now.

If life really is a big fat drama, I'd prefer Tim Burton to direct mine. I'll be in a magical land, and a happy ending is a promise. Or Craig Thomas and Carter Bay, one story ends in one episode. But no. My life isn't directed by these people. I am directing my life, and I've done a pretty bang up job so far. Though it's not, 100% not my fault.

I'd care to tell these whole problem to one person, one in particular. And to all of you who think I'm matter enough for you to care about, yes, but family business is strictly off the net. All I can say is, read Tartuffe, and you'd have idea of what I'm talking about. For those airhead who don't bother to read, or say they read, but actually just got the synopsis, let me fill you in.

Tartuffe is a French play about how a stranger can cause so much trouble into a family that adopted him, masked by his pretentious pious, modelling character, who revealed to be an evil greedy notorious hog.

One who I, we trusted so much, betrayed us in the end. I remember those hands, they feed me when I was a little boy. Now, they took things that are supposed to be us. What you give, you get back, they say. But you take them way too much. May be those pills and drinks and worldly pleasures have numbed your senses of judgement, senses of humanity. I don't know.. None of you are what you're used to be.

Frankly speaking, I want nothing else but to retrieve what you've taken, and you back into our little coven. Come back to where you belong. Come back home.

What Is It?

Assalamualaikum,

Yeah, I know, cliche intro, "Sorry for the silence, busy, assignments, yada yada", padahalnye x busy sgt pun. Malas je yang sebenarnye. Yelah, sape je pun yg view blog aku nieh. Kawan2 fesbuk, followers yang bengang sal ak x follow dorg balik (I'm sorry yea.. Klau follow tu tggal r link kt chatbox.. ak xpandai trace. Nanti ak follow balik", paling2 pun stalkers yang x pernah penat lelah menyusahkan hidup ak. TQ. Seriously, thank you. U've helped me to brightened up my world and see what I never saw before. As hard as I to admit, u brought out the colors into this life, and for that, I owe you one.

Ok, what else, yeah. Sue da give birth to a girl, namely Cub, which is 2 months a go (YARRKHH?!). And, Panda, my guinea pigs, da menyumbang kepada kebuntingan 2 ekor betina, CoCoPuff, and one that is unnamed yet, and both gave up 2 babies. 2 more sarat mengandung, tunggu masa jea. Tgk la nnt, aku upload cni ea.

Mid Term. Offensive matter. Honestly, aku rasa boleh jawab Mass Comm n Morphology jea. SoHa, Phonetics n Drama aku da campak ketepi. Tengok je la camne nanti.. Harap2 la pass. Target sem ni nak dpt dean list, insyaAllah. Lama dah mak aku tunggu anak dia ni nak dpt dean list.

Oh, speaking of drama, sem ni aku x join mana2 teater sbb da terikat dengan my own play, namely Tartuffe, which is originally a French play. Tartuffe means an imposter in French. Ape tu 'imposter'? Cam con artist la.. Klau layan Ocean's The Series, or Leverage, tau la. Tarikh pementasan, xtau lagi. Between 13-14 Disember. TAHUN ni. X kuasa ak nk tunggu smpai tahun depan.

Sem ni jugak, I've learned something about friendship. Sebenarnya aku da tahan lama, cuma malas nak meletup. Bukan aku takut, but I'm more to thinking about the consequences. Lagi boleh sabar, aku sabar. Tapi da tgk aku da laen tu faham2 je la. STOP YOUR CRAPS. Jangan sampai tangan yang berbicara.

Mungkin aku yang dulu da lama bagi dah, tapi sejak I met someone, dia da banyak ubah aku, jadi lebih rational, patience, matured in short. Dulu aku jenis pemarah, outspoken. Kalau x suka, aku cakap x suka. Sekarang, I'm more to jaga hati kawan, mungkin ada sebab dia wat camtu, I try to reach to him. Tp ni x bermakna selama-lamanya aku berdiam. Lots about this, I learned from him.

Oh no. Him who I'm talking about is not my love life. No. Aku masih waras utk menyintai seseorang yg mempunyai genitals yang sama dengan aku. The world's population is reaching up to 6 BILLIONS. I'm sure there's someone somewhere for me. But for now, biar la dulu. Aku lebih berfikir untuk membahagiakan family aku sebelum membahagiakan anak orang.

Is there someone special in my life? Of course yes. But it's too soon to tell. No rush.

Though, there's a girl I keep my eyes on. She's fair, good looking, and a wife material. Apa tu wife material? Come on, it's not like I keep a long list of that. Ok, you twisted my arm. She's modest, lovable, patience, likes kids, a wonderful cook, and easy on the eyes. Doesn't really to meet the Hitchcock's definition of beauty, (tall, skinny, blonde, humunguos racks, etc) but, hey, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

Oh this reminds me of my Drama lecture. Well, I'll save it for our next post, ok? OK. Keep in touch, lau x add aku agie kat fb, add ah. I'd like to know you. If we're already friends, remember me in your prayers, k? I always pray for you.

That's it I think. Thanks for viewing, Assalamualaikum.