Friday, July 2, 2010

My Greatest Regret

i was born the second son in my family, and we're all boys. i lived with my grandparents at the very early age of my years, and maybe they quite pampering me back then. when i got to live with my nucleous family, that hadn't been changed. i kinda got everything i wanted even i has 3 more brothers after me. if my parents couldn't get it for me, everyone else would.

i was in the standard 5 when my mother was having my sixth brother in her oven. it was a saturday night, and as saturday nights in Jengka, there's always a night market held in the town.

my eldest brother and i was craving for delicious Yong Tau Foo in the night market, of the very stall i would go for everytime i want to.

my mother just get back form her work and my father wasn't yet. she was all worn-out and her tummy was huge. she was 9 month pregnant, oftenly went to the toilet and i'm quite sure her back was killing her. but still, she is a teacher , and a teacher doesn't give up quickly.

my eldest brother, (i'm not quite remember how old he was) and i kept on mentioning her promise that was made in the saturday night before. She promised for Yong Tau Foo.

she kept telling us that she was too tired, but as a child on our age, that didn't satisfy our pleasure.and she then made the decision that i'm sure every mom would do for the sake of her children pleasures. we went to the night market.

my mother drove and we walked into the night market. Saturday's nightmarket in Jengka is very long, and noted that, the stall was right in the middle, full of crowd and noises. my mother was standing there, with her huge tummy, waiting for her turn to get the delicious food for us.

as soon as she got to us, she held her stomach for a while. 'i don't feel good', she said. then we went straight to the home.

my father hadn't got back from his work yet, like he does everyday. so my mother asked for our neighbour, who is actually one of our close relatives to rush her to the hospital, when my brother and me rushed to the kitchen to enjoy our long-wanted meal.

i peep through the window to see my mother and when i saw them picked her up to a car, i rushed out, begging for them to take me along. and as always, i got what i wished for.

my mother spent the rest of the night in the ward, and me waited at the outside, thinking of what she has gone through.

the morning came and i received a good news and a bad news from my recently arrived father. the good news was my mother has successfully delivered a baby. the bad news was the baby died as soon as it was born.

the doctor claimed that the baby died because of suffocation in the womb. his theory was that my mother has gone for along walk and very tired, so she couldn't make enough oxygen for the baby.

i was startled. i knew what have i done. i'm a killer at the very young age. i'm that kind of brother who doesn't even give his brother to take his first breath in this world. he hasn't have that chance, and i'm the reason for it. and the worst part of it was that i did it for a bowl of Yong Tau Foo.

at that very moment, i was like want to shout my little heart out..
'i don't want Yong Tau Foo anymore. i want my brother!'
but i knew, nobody would hear me this time, and that was the only wish nobody could realize.

the funeral was quick. i saw his face. blue, pale, cold but very handsome. i went to my mother. she was also blue and pale. but she held that smile and comforting me. as soon as i walked out of her room, she broke down. THAT was when i knew her smile was a lie.

From that moment, i've been holding this principle real close to me.

Of everything i do, family comes first because for now, i'm carrying extra responsibility for them: from me and for the behalf of my mistake, Allahyarham MUHAMMAD ABDULLAH bin MOHD SAIDI.



Zampeada said...

i oso came frm all-boy family. nice meeting u.

A@roN LoCk said...

ok. nice2. =)

oLeH YaYa said...

sdeynye!!! D;

A@roN LoCk said...

sabar yek yaya,.. hish..

Mierazali said...


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