Life Without You.. (Tribute to Arwah Tokki)

It has been 4 days since you left us, Tokki, and there's nothing I crave more than seeing your smile just one more time. I wish you could've been here seeing the thing I've become, a mess. Then you could give me some words of advice, told me how to become a better man, how to manage my life. Living with you was just a breeze. I'm not yet become the man I wanted to be. I need you by my side, just like the old days when I stayed with you. You taught me how to ride a bike, climb trees at your orchards, swim at the river just at the back of the house, and read the Quran.

Adik Noh has entered the pra-school yesterday, Tokki. He reminded me a lot of the times when you accompanied me to register at one in the village, and I played all day long with Tok waiting outside.

Let me tell you how I faced the day after you left, Tokki. The night you were gone, Long woke me up from sleep at 3am and Mak hugged me tightly murmuring that you were gone. But it didn't hit me as hard as when Tok walked to me as soon as I went out of the room. She embraced me tightly, and then I realised, you weren't there anymore. The day I faced was hard, but I didn't show it to the others, though they knew the fact that our relationship is more than flesh and blood. It's more than that....

The day after your burial, I've had an headache, probably from crying too much, so I slept a lot. But the mess I've become is no more to compare with Mak Dah. She refused to take a bath, barely eat and spent the day crying in the room over you. She misses you so much, Tokki. A week before you went, as you were in the hospital, she took one of your  picture and touched you face in it, while tears were dropping from her eyes.

 Mak Dah

After Anjang sent me to this IIUM, I've done everything I could from feeling alone. I went to Times Square alone, wandering in the crowd by myself, avoiding the truth that you were gone. I accept the fact, yes I do. But losing you is more than just accepting the fact. Losing you is losing a huge part of my life which I ever live on. You're not just a grandfather, you're my father and I love you more than Ayah, you knew that.

Rest there in peace, may Allah bless you InsyaAllah. You have been there safely, and our turn is yet unknown. Wait for me there, Tokki. We'll meet again InsyaAllah.......

Tokki and Ecu...